There’s some kind of weird comfort in avoiding saying what’s actually on our minds at any given moment. Especially in high-intensity situations.
Sometimes we do it to feel better about a decision we’ve made or are thinking about making. We know how a certain loved one will react, and we want to avoid their response by shading or omitting how we truly feel. Other times, we bullshit people when we know there’s a lack of intention to follow up or follow through.
We use these auto-pilot responses in times when we’re not completely confident in how we feel or when we don’t know what kind of response to expect from the other person. Most of us are scared we’ll be judged or dismissed for our imperfect thoughts. So we habituate dancing around the truth when approached with others’ curiosity.
What we don’t think about, however, is the fact that what people say is simply just their thoughts in action. We have to learn somehow. And there’s no right answer set in stone. Every individual is entitled to their truth. We’re evolving every day. It’s okay to work through your lessons by expressing when you’re in a vulnerable space of healing or learning. In fact, it’s the most mindful thing you can do.
The truth is addictive…
There is beauty in clarity. When you have clarity in your thoughts, you find clarity in your actions. Facing judgment or rejection can be daunting, but it always wins over sitting in the dark. Why waste the time? Why not express yourself wholeheartedly?
The next time your colleague stops you in the hallway to ask how you’re doing, answer honestly and let them know if you’re having a tough time. Maybe after, you’ll feel a weight lifted off your shoulders and a new sense of validation that encourages you to move yourself out of the sulking phase & into the “how can I fix this?” phase.
The next time your friend urges you to accept an invite somewhere you know you really don’t want to go, speak up and let them know it’s not your steez. Maybe moving forward, they’ll be more considerate of your likes/dislikes if you give them an idea of what excites you vs. what doesn’t. Instead of hanging out in the grey area, know to redirect your energy sooner rather than later.
Not expressing ourselves as transparently as we possibly can only misleads the people we interact with, and gives them a false idea of how we want to engage. This feedback loop only keeps us in a place of dreadful discomfort. Why do we do this to ourselves? If there’s something that’s eating away at us but we don’t vocalize it, we can’t expect for the treatment/response to change.
Normalize verbally working through your process. In doing this, you guide others how to best be in relationship with you based on your needs & preferences. Maybe there is a healthy way to move through small talk and confrontation after all. 🙂
