The same way employers use resumes to determine whether a candidate is a good fit for a job can also apply to assessing potential romantic partners.

My boyfriend & I used to talk when we were in high school. We lost touch and reconnected about five years ago, dating for only a hot second. After losing touch again, we most recently reconnected at the beginning of 2020; finally finding our stars aligned 😻.

This time around, we talked in great detail about our past, challenges we’ve faced in relationships & how/why they ended. This intimate insight taught us where our pressure points are, and how (not) to respond to them when they’re triggered. Being open & transparent helped us lay the groundwork for authentic trust. The magic in our willingness to be vulnerable with each other transformed my growing sense of familiarity into a new sense of belonging; or rather, a new sense of home.

Learning his relationship history helped me recognize the parallels & perpendiculars in our past experiences. There were also differences, which helped us gain perspective & appreciation for the obstacles we’ve respectively overcome. Cultivating this understanding confirmed our mutual respect for both our needs and boundaries, in addition to agreeing on what we wanted out of a relationship moving forward.

Our relationship history shapes how we approach seeking out new love interests.

Learning about one’s patterns can tell us a lot about their character & how they behave in relationships. Just like potential employers use our resume to determine what kind of employee we’ll be if hired, understanding someone’s relationship history (AKA their unofficial resume) can tell us a lot about what kind of partner we can expect them to be to us. Not only can we observe these patterns in their past romantic relationships, but also in existing ones with family, friends, colleagues, and others closest to them.

Patterns speak volumes about what’s important to someone, their capacity for discomfort, forgiveness, & how they honor commitments. Here in the mental health era, relationships can be great playgrounds to experiment with our patterns and gain perspective in areas where we still need to grow.