“The most important relationship in your life is the relationship you have with yourself. Because no matter what happens, you will always be with yourself.”

― Diane Von Furstenberg

Self-Trust

            This is your ability to make (and keep) commitments to yourself and coach yourself through difficult times. Furthermore, it requires strong confidence in thought & decision-making, regardless of results.

Sometimes, when the choices we make don’t produce the results we’re expecting, we start to lose trust in our own judgement, abilities, & dreams.

So, how do we repair it?

Look inward. Search for what’s trustworthy. Scan your memories and think about everything you’ve accomplished. How have you contributed to the spaces you’ve found yourself in? What have you done to survive? How have you managed to avoid certain situations in anticipation of negative repercussions that might have set you back?

You can begin by trusting this moment of self awareness & reflection. You’ve been resourceful and intuitive enough to click on this blog post and make the important effort to learn and become aware. That in itself = cause for trustworthiness.

Failure

From a young age, we’re taught to celebrate & pursue success. Yet, we’re never taught how to work through another common experience we all inevitably share – failure.

In understanding how to process failure in the most healthy way possible, we should strive to do it in the most skillful way possible. When considering our significant life events, it can be difficult sometimes to separate our failures (and successes) from our identity. Thus, we label ourselves as “less than” & feel ashamed, allowing our outcomes to define us.

The experience of failure is not the problem; it’s how we interpret it. In other words, we always have the choice whether to buy into our self-critic’s storyline, or to challenge it. Failure is proof we courageously tried.

The next time you put yourself out there to try something new or scary and it doesn’t turn out the way you planned, ask yourself: could my effort be enough? You took a risk. You learned something new. In times of defeat, try to respond with as much non-judgment, self-acceptance and compassion as you can dig up.

Celebrate the effort, not just the outcome.

Risk

If we want to grow, we have to take risks. However, we naturally gravitate towards what’s familiar/safe in order to avoid discomfort, humiliation, or failure.

Why is it important that we take risks? 

“Growth necessitates risk”

Try to normalize that awkward feeling of being outside your comfort zone. Take every opportunity you see to force yourself outside your box. Test your own limits at your own pace. Work to become comfortable with discomfort and break down your innate resistance to do things that feel scary.

Self-Nurturing

Notably in your early stages of life, other people have to nurture you in order for you to learn and grow. As we get older, we learn to take over that responsibility for ourselves. Otherwise, we trap ourselves in a constant state of frustration and disappointment when others don’t come through.

It’s crucial we learn who we are at our core and how to nurture our most authentic selves. Underneath all our layers, there’s a fragile being inside of each of us that needs love, and an inner child who didn’t get the care they deserved/still long for.

By the same token, we typically don’t learn the tools for self-love because they often conflict with our cultural conditioning. Instead, most of us have picked up the idea we’re supposed to treat ourselves with tough love and harsh words when things don’t work out as planned.

Thus, when you recognize a difficult emotion rising, try holding it in awareness for just a minute. You can do this through meditation if that appeals to you, otherwise just reflect on it in your head. Visualize the emotion and observe it with tenderness, care, and compassion.

Meditation is an act of self-nurturing.

Keep in mind, every opportunity to meditate is also an opportunity to offer ourselves the kindness and compassion that we don’t always get from the outside world, but all of us desperately need.