Conflict is unavoidable… period.
I don’t care how much you get along with someone or how agreeable you are. Although everyone responds to interpersonal conflict differently, usually the easiest response is to avoid it when it surfaces. Avoiding conflict helps minimize discomfort and distraction in the current moment. The thing is though, sweeping it under the rug now only leaves a bigger mess to clean up later. And the more you sweep it under the rug, the bigger the mess becomes. Over a long period of time, conflict avoidance has the potential to not only rupture, but permanently destruct even the closest relationships.
If you tend to avoid conflict and realize doing so is no longer serving you, try this:
4 steps to practice healthier communication
- Compliment the person. Acknowledge their presence and the value they add to your shared space regardless of the conflict at hand.
- Name the situation, facts, and your perspective. Respectfully.
- Ask the other person to do the same. While they share, scout their response for a desired outcome you hear and communicate that back to them to confirm accuracy. Think about how you might approach reaching an agreement.
- End the conversation on a positive note. One easy way to do this is to thank them for sharing.
If you want more out of your relationships, you have to push past your instinctual response to discomfort and really practice presence when disagreements occur. In order to foster honest communication, your shared space has to feel safe. Use these four tips the next time you experience a conflict with someone you care about, and watch how your bond blossoms.
