Perhaps one of the most frustrating parts of having a baby is their inability to verbally communicate. Any new parent can tell you how exasperating it is to care for an upset, screaming baby. In my own experience, there have been many moments where I’ve exclaimed, “Just tell me what you need!” in the face of my inconsolable child, agitated at his limited capacity.
Now that my son is officially 2 years old, his vocabulary grows exponentially by the day. He knows how to name all the things he needs- food, sleep, milk, diaper change – but doesn’t always use these words when he needs them. When he becomes overstimulated or overwhelmed, he retreats into meltdown mode and fervently rejects my pleas for him to use his words.
How to respond to a toddler temper tantrum
As a parent I’m learning (the hard way 🫠) that if you don’t work on your own ability to “use your words” when you’re visibly upset, your temper tantrums will follow you well into adulthood, taking different forms as you get older (hello mid-life crises). But ultimately, it’s your inability to communicate your needs that subjects you to unbecoming behavior.
Thus, I’m doing my best to raise an emotionally intelligent child who doesn’t carry this habit of throwing tantrums to have his needs met into his later stages in life. For the sake of keeping us both regulated and sane, go-to response whenever he enters a temper tantrum is “What do you need right now?“
Building emotional intelligence
Asking him this in the midst of an emotional breakdown helps him connect his frustration with a solution. It’s a practice I hope he takes with him as he matures so that when he gets older, instead of having irrational, impulsive emotional reactions, it will become second nature for him to simply name what he needs in difficult situations.
