Part 3 of my 3-part review of the book, ‘What Happened To You’ by Oprah Winfrey & Dr. Bruce D. Perry.

The key components of healing

The power of positive relationships

In addition to learning how to communicate effectively with the functional, emotional part of the brain, another key component to healing from trauma and improving stress management is leaning on your positive relationships. Your history of relational health (connectedness to family, community, and culture) is more predictive of your mental health than your history of adversity. So, those fifteen minutes you spend venting to your best friend about your frustrations at home or work are actually more powerful than you think.

In the book, Dr. Perry refers to this as “therapeutic dosing”.

These brief moments where loved ones validate your raw emotions are the very essence of healing, and are proven even more effective than spending 45 minutes with a therapist once a week. Fundamentally, in validating your expression, your support system is regulating you.

Rewiring an overreactive stress response

The beauty of neuroplasticity is that repetition leads to change. No matter where you start off on the spectrum of healing, you control the direction of your path. Resilience is developed through exposure to consistent, controllable, and predictable patterns of stress activation. By conquering moderate challenges, you increase your capacity to heal from past trauma and learn how to flex your stress management muscles.

This is why activities like arts, sports, and academics are such productive tools for improvement. They create environments that build resilience using controlled, predictable exposure to stress.

“I learned that I could have feelings without being disabled by them.”

-Cynthia Bond, Ruby

Just as a house can undergo reconstruction to become functional again, so can you. As Dr. Perry puts it, “when we activate trauma memories and our stress response systems in ways that offer controllability and predictability, we begin to heal that sensitized system.”

By creating a moment of space between yourself and something that triggers a traumatic memory, you create the opportunity to regain control over your brain stem and reroute how it wants you to respond.

“This is where hope lies for all of us – in the unique adaptability of our miraculous brains.”

Read Part I: Understanding The Meaning-Making Machinery Of Your Brain.

Read Part II: How To Communicate Effectively With A Dysregulated Person.

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